16.12.04 So wie damals

Wenn jemand heute (Donnerstag) auf eine Weihnachtsparty gehen mchte aber nicht in einer Firma arbeitet, die gerade eine Party macht, oder wer einfach nur Musiker ist und deshalb fr keine Firma arbeitet, die eine Weihnachtsparty macht oder wer einfach so auf eine coole Weihnachtsparty gehen mchte, auf der die Positunes Bunch live spielt, der kann heute Abend (16.12.) in die Pony Bar kommen. Dort gibt es Glhwein und (hoffentlich) Pltzchen, FreestyleSessions und einen live Gig von Sannah und Co. Und das beste ist: das kostet nix.

Jetzt aber mal genug hier. Einfach mal die Seite hacken haben wir gern, wo man doch eigentlich auf der selben Seite steht. Naja, man kann sich ja am Freitag auf eine vershnliche Limo treffen im Kurhotel. Oder man sieht sich in der Weltbhne bei Hawkeye & Stoecker. Vielleicht auch im Echochamber bei Illvibe & Dynamite... ja oder sogar bei Jazzy Jeff im Mandarin. Aber die Limo ist beschlossene Sache.

Apropo beschlossene Sache!

Total possierliche Geschichten sieht man als Gast in der Hamburger Brgerschaft. Und da wir gerade voll auf dem Guerilla Trip sind, knnte man auch ganz leicht eine Anleitung zusammenstellen, wie man Ole von Beust ein Kaugummi unter den Tisch klebt.
Erster Schritt Karten bei einer der Fraktionen oder im Rathaus direkt besorgen.
Zweiter Schritt Personal Ausweis flschen, denn der wird beim Eintritt in die heiligen Hallen, der Scheinheiligen Demokratie eingesammelt.
Dritter Schritt Kaugummi besorgen und zur Sitzung im Rathaus antreten.
Viertens: Sobald der Kaugummi gewnschte Konsistenz besitzt muss man nur noch in den Sitzungsaal gehen, den man nicht betreten darf, woran man aber garnicht weiter gehindert wird. Am besten man geht ruhigen Schrittes direkt zum Platz des ersten Brgermeisters und ZACK klebt das Kaugummi einfach unter seinen Tisch. Wenn man ganz ausgebufft und politisch sehr frustriert ist, kann man auch Zahnpasta unters Rednerpult schmieren - Hat die Titanic nicht schon mal hnliches auf Bundesebene gemacht? Whatever!

Brgerschaft ist ein schnes Schauspiel.
Wenn man dann auf den genehmigten Pltzen sitzt (ich habe zweimal mit dem etwas gelangweilten und doch berforderten Sicherheitsdienst Bekanntschaft gemacht, bevor ich legale Pltze erreicht habe) hat man eine schne Sicht von oben auf die Abgeordneten. Netter Weise kann man so sehen, was die guten Volksvertreter so unter den Tischen machen... Weihnachstgeschenke auspacken, Zeitung lesen, Taschenbillard spielen...
Dann werden die Redner der Fraktionen aufeinander losgelassen. Die Nasen sind rhetorisch so gewandt wie Meerschweinchen bei der Paarung. Ein Trauerspiel, hnlich eines Rhetorikwettbewerbes in der Mittelstufe. Stammeln, Stottern und geballter Stumpfsinn. Die CDUler knnen garnichts am Mic - da sieht man sehr schn die alten Tricks, die einem in der Schule immer beigebogen werden.
- Immer in die Runde schauen
- Blo nicht die ganze Zeit vom Blatt ablesen
usw.
Die Grn-Roten Leute sind teilweise besser, aber insgesamt auch sehr bescheiden. Der Sparkurs der Stadt scheint auch hier voll durchgezogen zu werden. Da wurde scheinbar heftigst das Talent gekrzt. So richtig 'spiten' kann da keiner.
Und sie alle reden um den Brei, der auch nicht mal mehr hei ist. Eine Abenteuer Geschichte auf dem Reiterhof drfte spannender sein, und ideologisch viel relevanter.
Ansehnlich wird es dann erst wieder bei den "Abstimmungs Blcken". Nach einer ganzen Menge warmer Luft verliest die Prsidentin Antrge die zur Abstimmung stehen. Und die Fraktionen heben vllig synchron und komplett entgeistert die Hnde, je nach Antrag. Wobei jeder Abgeordnete eine Liste besitzt, in der geschrieben steht, wann er die Hand zu heben hat. Das Ergebnis ist eine Choreographie die bei den Olympischen Spielen als Synchronschwimmen durchgehen wrde. Und so heben und senken sie die Arme, vllig losgelst von der Erde. Wer stimmt zu, dass Abgestimmt werden soll: Alle. Wer stimmt dafr? Gesamte CDU. Gegenprobe? Rot-Grn hebt die Hnde, als wren sie in einem Curse Video. Enthaltungen? Niemand... Ach doch die FDP. Ist aber auch egal. Und so geht es minuten lang. Man wird den Eindruck nicht los, dass die ganzen alten Herren bei der CDU bewusst den rechten Arm heben und diese hnlichkeit zum Hitlergru einfach zelebrieren und genieen. Ebenso auffllig ist die gemeinsame Eigenschaft bergewicht. Alle CDUler sehen richtig satt aus.
Doch dann gert Unruhe in die Laien-Ballett Truppe namens Brgerschaft. Ein Antrag der SPD war aufgrund einer doppelten Verneinung so missverstndlich, dass die CDU ihm einfach mal zugestimmt hat.
Das wre auch ein schnes Anschlagsziel, man manipuliert die Liste der Prsidentin, indem man einen Antrag durch die Frage: "Wer will ein Wurstbrot?" austauscht. CDU stimmt zu, SPD lehnt ab, Grne sind Vegetarier und die FDP glnzt durch Enthaltung, die haben ja auch schon zu hause gegessen.

In der Pause, die Abgeordneten speien im groen Festsaal, schnappe ich mir eine Rot-Grne Politikerin, um zu fragen, was genau der CDU dort durch die Lappen gegangen ist. Es ging um 15 Millionen Euro Baufinanzierung fr schulische Zwecke. Mich packt ein Funken Hoffnung, die Abgeordnete scheint engaiert dabei zu sein. Sie triumphiert, dass die CDU die doppelte Verneinung nicht begriffen htte, und daher falsch abgestimmt hat. Ich empfinde die Abgeordnete gerade whlbar, als sie hinzufhgt: "Das ist auch schwierig mit der Verneinung, dass passiert uns auch andauernd!"
Gut, einverstanden, bleibe ich Protestwhler.
Am Ende beschleicht einen dann wirklich das Gefhl, dass diese Menschen Volksvertreter sind. Volk im Sinne von: Musikantenstadl, RTL2, Bild und Wolfgang Petri. Volk im Sinne von 'Die' - nicht Ich.

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